March 2013, our last "sane" month

In March 2013, we went back to our place in Florida. We were excited this time because Auntie Kim was going to join us for a few days from Baltimore. I (Amy) had given her several warnings that it may not be a relaxing vacation for her, but she still wanted to come. Stubborn girl had no idea what she was in for! :) 

Neither of the boys had been sleeping well and Nate had a rash on and off for the previous week that was progressively getting worse.  The good news was that Ben had decided that he was ready to be potty trained and on week 2 of being successful. While in Florida, we were able to enjoy our time by the pool, at the playground, and we spent some time at a local children's museum, which the boys have grown to absolutely love. Several times during the trip, Kim looked at me and wondered how the hell I did this day in and day out. It's only when people are with you 24 hours a day that they realize what your life is truly like. It was then that she realized how intense Nate was and how demanding of my time he was. He had no problem showing how much he needed his Mommy and that he DID NOT like when I had to leave the room. So, not only was he up with the birds every morning, he basically tried crawling back inside me every chance he got. We were so used to his behavior that we didn't think twice about it. When someone who's not around us all the time mentions how difficult he is, it makes you think twice.

Ben with Auntie Kim (Nate was in no mood!)

Our traditional family picture in Florida

After we returned from Florida, we decided to follow our pediatrician's advice of taking away the binky. He wanted us to do it after Nate's 15 month appointment, but we chose to wait until after March's flight to Florida. It wasn't something we were ready for and we quickly realized that Nate was not ready for it either. We didn't know what to expect because Ben never used a pacifier, but the trauma that Nate experienced was heartbreaking. In the following months, we would learn why. 

The boys and I at an Easter egg hunt

the boys on Easter

On March 27, Nathan had his 18 month well check with our pediatrician. I typically went to these appointments myself. I love our pediatrician; he has always listened to me and I trust him implicitly, but I was still a little nervous to tell him that we attempted to rid Nate of the binky for 8 days because I knew how strongly he felt about it, but we just couldn't do it anymore. The screaming that came from Nathan for those 8 days were traumatic for everyone that lived in our house. Looking back, it still haunts me. The nurse came in to do the measurements; everything looked good for his height and weight. As she began to measure his head, I saw the look on her face. She looked back at the chart and measured his head again. And again. I knew something was up. Now, if you don't know Nathan's past at the doctor's office, it was one of the most terrifying places for him to be. He's already a highly anxious little boy, but the doctor's office put him in a tailspin. So try to picture me attempting to keep him calm while the nurse continues to try to get an accurate measurement of his head.

After the third or fourth attempt, she leaves the room. The doctor comes in and sits down to chat about how things are going. I explain the binky process, Nate's inability to remain calm, his huge emotional meltdowns, and his continued poor sleep. I was also concerned that he's been sick for so long; between ear infections, sinus infections, and lack of sleep, he simply was unhealthy. The doctor does a normal exam and then begins asking me about his walking and whether or not he falls a lot or stumbles around. What?? Nate's 18 months old...what 18 month old doesn't stumble around? Isn't that why they call it the "toddler" stage? In my head, I started to worry, but the doctor still remained calm. Then, he asked about whether or not Nate was vomiting. My answer to that was, "No." He threw up as a newborn and then again as an infant, but after that, he always kept food down.

The doctor stood up and began to measure Nate's head again. He did this 3 more times. I saw the concern in his face and I could feel the tremble in my throat and I just said to myself, "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." He leaves the room for a minute and then returns. He sits down and tells me that the circumference of Nate's head has grown by almost 3 centimeters; too much too soon in 3 months. And that with all of my concerns with him at home, he thinks it would be best to schedule an MRI to rule out anything going on in his head. This MRI would have to be done at another hospital because he would need to be sedated because of his age. But, before this could happen, he wanted Nate to have an X-Ray done of his face, throat and neck area to rule out anything going on with his sinuses and adenoids. This alone terrified me because I knew how difficult it would be to get him to sit still for this exam. We headed downstairs and began the hysteria. I had to sit with him and held him with the strength of a straight-jacket to get him to sit still. I knew they weren't going to get good pictures and this was just a waste of time. We headed back upstairs and I attempted to hold my composure as we walked back into the office. The doctor explained that the pictures weren't great because of Nate being so uncooperative, but that they didn't see anything of major concern. Step 1 done. I was told that someone from their office would call me with the date of the MRI. Now, I had to leave and call Stephen to tell him the news.